On the 14th of September, Pat had to check in to the hotel that is near the base. Larry,Nancy, Ian and I drove him to the hotel and had dinner together. Ian cried when we left. After we got home, suddenly, I just realized that he is not home and won't be home for a while. I felt a liitle odd, too quite. While we were taking a bath, Ian kept calling "Daddy?Daddy?" Usually, Pat will sit in the bathroom talking to us and get us towels. But he was not there. I tried to tell Ian that Daddy is working somewhere far away and he won't be home for a while.Fortunately, he is fine with that. But I am not. After putting Ian to bed, I sat on the bed and cried.
The next morning(the 15th),we drove to base to attend his swear-in ceremony and stayed with him until he went to airport. That day, I felt so sad that I can't even go to babysit for 3 hours. I was very depressed , felt terrible lonesome and had a hard time to breathe. I tried to be strong. At least try not to cry in front of Ian. But my meltdown still came after Ian went to bed. That night, I cleaned the bathroom until 10:30pm and didn't fall asleep until 2 AM.
The 3rd day(the 16th), I tried to find things to do to keep me busy. I did went to babysit but can't even finish the 3 hours. I can't even smile. Ian was very emotional also. He screamed a lot and was cranky the whole day. So we dicided to go home early. Then I burst into tears when Ian was not listening to me. And we cried together. Pat called at about 1:30 pm to tell me his address. It's a very short call which is about 5 minutes.
The 4th day(the 17th) is a good day. I felt happy today because Pat called yesterday. I went to babysit and had a good time there. Ian acted normal today also. And I didn't cry today. I thought I was over this. But.......
The 5th day(the 18th), I was depressed so badly that I had to call Nancy to come to my apartment. I had my meltdown in the afternoon. Today, I cried twice. Very gloomy day for me.
The 6th day(thhe 19th), I was sort of happy this morning. I went to the enrichment activity. All is well. Then after Ian's nap, here is comes the crying. I was crying the whole afternoon. It was especially hard because it's Saturday. Usually, we do a lot of things together on Saturdays.And we are together the whole day. I have to call Nancy to talk again.
This has been really tough for me. And the interesting thing is----I never thought I would act like this at all. Nancy was surprised for my reaction,too. Seriously, I thought I would be just fine. I would be strong enough for it. Maybe feel lonely but definitely not like this. I'm nearly depressed. And I don't know what to do. Just pray a lot and find things to do.
When can I get over this? I hope it will be over soon.
3 comments:
oh caroline, i am crying for you right now! being alone is the pits (i know!!!) it does get better, i promise but you have to tough it out for ian. it is amazingly hard, but you will realize your tremendous inner strength soon and you will actually somewhat enjoy your time getting to soley (??sp?? by yourself is what i mean) provide for your little guy. i wish i was there to help you or at least to cry with you. i wish i knew what to tell you, but i just can say that you can do it! i know you can and i know you will. you are an amazing mother and choice spirit. never rely on the lord too little. you can never lean on him hard enough. you will do fine. call if ever i can help. i will keep you in my prayers, i know you will make it. just be like the little engine 'i think i can...i think i can...i think i can...' you will be so very blessed for the sacrifices you make for your family. i love you. please know i miss you terribly. cariss
Cariss,
I miss you,too. I wish you were here. I seriously don't know I will fell terriblely lonesome. My mother said it's because we rely on each other too much.
It did get better this week. Once a while I still get a little gloomy but not as bad as the first week though.I laughed when I read the little engine part. Yes, I can do it, I can do it.Thank you so much for the encouragement. Love you. Caroline
oh~ Yihuang~
I didn't know you are in this tough situation now. I remember the first time my husband had a one week business trip after we just got married. It was hard for me too. just feel like to send you some hugs.
love,
shuling
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