Thank Dustin for the blessing

On Sunday morning, I drove to church. I felt better today. At least not like yesterday. Yesterday was the worst day since Pat left. I can't stop crying the whole afternoon and evening. I have to call Nancy to talk for almost 1 hour.

We stayed for the full 3 hours. I went to Nursery with Ian. We went home for a nap after the church meetings and went to Nancy's house for dinner. Nancy has asked Dustin at the church today if he can give me a blessing and tell him my situation. She also told the Relief Society sisters. So the Relief Society presidency is coming to visit me on Monday.

My hone teacher, Dustin, came to give me a blessing. I felt immediate comfort during the blessing. And I know that I will be ok from then. It's so amazing how the priesthood works. And I am fine since then. Thank Dustin for the blessing!! And thank you everyone for your support and encouragement.

P.S. There is also something which is very cute that I want to share.

I saw Aaron Larsen and Derek Barlett (2 teenage boys)at church.

Aaron asked me: "how are you?"
I said : "not good. "
Derek said: "you look depressed!"
I said : "I am depressed. Because my husband is not home for a while."
Derek said: "you should come over to my house and hang out. "

Then I saw Amy Barlett(Derek's mom).

Amy said: "girl, you should come over to my house."
I said:" I know."

You know, usually when people said that they don’t offer the next step like the date or something. But this is Amy. So she said next :
"come tomorrow and have lunch together. I will make you some Korean food."

That is Amy. Amy told Nancy all I need is Korean food to make me feel better. I love her.

I never thought it would be this hard!

On the 14th of September, Pat had to check in to the hotel that is near the base. Larry,Nancy, Ian and I drove him to the hotel and had dinner together. Ian cried when we left. After we got home, suddenly, I just realized that he is not home and won't be home for a while. I felt a liitle odd, too quite. While we were taking a bath, Ian kept calling "Daddy?Daddy?" Usually, Pat will sit in the bathroom talking to us and get us towels. But he was not there. I tried to tell Ian that Daddy is working somewhere far away and he won't be home for a while.Fortunately, he is fine with that. But I am not. After putting Ian to bed, I sat on the bed and cried.

The next morning(the 15th),we drove to base to attend his swear-in ceremony and stayed with him until he went to airport. That day, I felt so sad that I can't even go to babysit for 3 hours. I was very depressed , felt terrible lonesome and had a hard time to breathe. I tried to be strong. At least try not to cry in front of Ian. But my meltdown still came after Ian went to bed. That night, I cleaned the bathroom until 10:30pm and didn't fall asleep until 2 AM.

The 3rd day(the 16th), I tried to find things to do to keep me busy. I did went to babysit but can't even finish the 3 hours. I can't even smile. Ian was very emotional also. He screamed a lot and was cranky the whole day. So we dicided to go home early. Then I burst into tears when Ian was not listening to me. And we cried together. Pat called at about 1:30 pm to tell me his address. It's a very short call which is about 5 minutes.

The 4th day(the 17th) is a good day. I felt happy today because Pat called yesterday. I went to babysit and had a good time there. Ian acted normal today also. And I didn't cry today. I thought I was over this. But.......

The 5th day(the 18th), I was depressed so badly that I had to call Nancy to come to my apartment. I had my meltdown in the afternoon. Today, I cried twice. Very gloomy day for me.

The 6th day(thhe 19th), I was sort of happy this morning. I went to the enrichment activity. All is well. Then after Ian's nap, here is comes the crying. I was crying the whole afternoon. It was especially hard because it's Saturday. Usually, we do a lot of things together on Saturdays.And we are together the whole day. I have to call Nancy to talk again.

This has been really tough for me. And the interesting thing is----I never thought I would act like this at all. Nancy was surprised for my reaction,too. Seriously, I thought I would be just fine. I would be strong enough for it. Maybe feel lonely but definitely not like this. I'm nearly depressed. And I don't know what to do. Just pray a lot and find things to do.

When can I get over this? I hope it will be over soon.